I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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