Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
