So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
