I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
then he tried to convert me to islam
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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