its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize