If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
