I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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