We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
