I just threw up on my dentist
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
