Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
