After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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