I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
