the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
