I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
