Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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