People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
