I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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