you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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