the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
