her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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