And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize