My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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