i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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