i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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