I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
