can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
