can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
