New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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