Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
