please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize