Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
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