I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
