Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
