That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
