she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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