he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
