hell yes lets make some ravioli
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
