So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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