The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
We need to get me chipped asap
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
