apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
