"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
