the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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