No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
