Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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