So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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