haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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