it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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