I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
