No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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