So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
