Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He passed out mid-signature
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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