god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
You left your phone here
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