wrigley field is MILF paradise
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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