i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize