she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
