Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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