the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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