i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
