How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
