Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize