I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
