its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
