Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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