I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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