Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
