i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
