Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
