What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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