This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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